Howard
Howard sure wasn’t a mountain-of-a-man, more like a rolling-hill-of-a-man. That small trace of a mustache pushing up from his oily skin, something that sure as shit should be shaved off, but you can tell he’s proud of it. Like every stray hair on his body were a testament to his manliness — a fuckin’ trophy or something.
“By that time I was about six drinks in.” Howard said with a smirk on his face.
“On a Tuesday?” I said and glanced over at the couple seated at the end of the bar.
“Yeah, but fuck — I don’t got shit to do.” Howard said.
“I gotta take a piss.” I said as I turned and headed to the back of the room. I really did need to piss, not to mention I’d been getting sick of pretending to be impressed by his bullshit. Every line out of his mouth was just begging for validation, but I wasn’t in the mood — not to mention the piss.
And the shit that came out of his mouth, I swear.
So, I’m sure you’re wondering why the hell I’d agreed to let Howard hook me up with this girl he knew, that’s the thing — I am too.
Either way, here I am now, waiting to meet this one he’s been telling me about, at this shitty excuse for a bar with his scum-of-the-earth-friends (which I guess includes me), and the usual kind of women that unwind in a place like this.
I zipped up my pants and headed back to the bar.
Before I can even fucking sit down Howard starts up again.
“Like I was saying I was six drinks in, when this guy comes up — Oh shit! Be right back.” He says as he answers his phone and hurries out the side door.
He sloshes around with this outright determination. One of those pricks that will crash into your shoulder rather than share the fuckin’ sidewalk with you, like you oughta’ ask his permission to walk on the sidewalk.
Goddamnit, it’s time to see this girl, I thought as I took a sip of my beer. I swear, I’ve been regretting my agreement to come here before I had even agreed to it. What kind of shit had I gotten myself into now.
Just as I was about to make a break for it out the front door, he swings the side door open, and I realize my plans are just a second too late so I slump back down on the barstool.
But what the hell!
Coming in right behind him is this light, effervescent woman. The kind of girl that you could see yourself making a home with, the kind who’s hands say We look like we can make a good omelet in the morning.
And you can only reply with, You sure do!
“You must be Howard’s friend,” she says as she sits next to me at the bar, “my name is Isabel.”
“Isabel?” I say.
“That’s what I said.” she smiles.
Pulling her elbows in close and entwining her fingers, she lets her hair fall back off her shoulders as laughter burst from her lips.
I couldn’t believe it — Howard fuckin’ pulled through for once!
“You two lovebirds use protection now — got it?” Howard says as him and one of his buddies head back to the bathroom to piss or do some coke or some stupid shit like that.
Fuckin’ Howard.
I turn back to the bar and see her reflection in the mirror as she sits close next to me.
Her lips are moving in the reflection and I swing back around to look at her lips out of the reflection to make sure that pair is too.
She cranes her neck to the side and away from me — just a tiny bit — like she was scared that if we got too close our bodies would just snap together like magnets.
